Is this what family rejection really is?
Imagine you are in a toy store and you see a real gun on the shelf, marketed as a harmless toy. Suddenly, your young child demands that you buy him this gun, even though he’s never had an interest in fire arms before. You are understandably shocked that this gun is on display and being advertised to kids like yours, but there it is, and your kid wants it. More than wants it, he says he NEEDS it, and he NEEDS it right now.
As a parent what would you do? Do you give in to his demands or do you use good parenting rules? Do you think about whether he needs this “toy” and if it would it be safe for him? Maybe you would want to do some research on the toy before just handing it over, to see if it’s as dangerous as you think it is?
What if everyone in the store looked at you and said you were a horrible parent and that you’re rejecting your child for not giving him the dangerous toy. Does this suddenly change your mind and lead you to give in and buy it for him?
What if the store manager said to you, in front of your child, that if you do not give him that toy, and do it right now, he will commit suicide? What would you do next?
This is what it is like to be a parent of a trans identified child who, out of the blue, tells you they are “trans” and demands hormones and puberty blockers. The tantrum of a 2 year old who doesn’t get their toy at the store is instead the trantrum of an adolescent, but really it’s just the same.
However, in the case of the 2 year old and the toy, other parents would stare at you in disapproval if you caved to your 2 year old’s terroristic demands. In the case of a trantrum over hormones though, no adults or professionals have your back when you try to parent your child.
I would know. I’m one of these parents, and my son is one of these kids. Like most others in this boat, he never took an interest in gender or had an issue with his gender in childhood. He never wanted the gun until he saw it presented as an option to him, adorned with rainbows and unicorns, as an adolescent. Now he demands drugs immediately.
So, do you just accept the advice of everyone and let your child go on these dangerous hormones? If you are not ready to accept this and want to do some investigative research, is this “family rejection” and clear evidence that you are a horrible parent? Are you rejecting your child by wanting to do some research or wanting to just take it slow?
You then read about how many young people have detransitioned and how many have desisted after using a technique called watchful waiting. Do you STILL dive right in and give your child hormones? Do you buy that gun because everyone says that that’s the right thing to do for your kid, even though you have serious reservations, and you are the parent?
Are you damaging a child’s future mental health by not giving into his trantrum over hormones? His strong wish, to have it right now, because he really wants it? Or are you, in fact, doing exactly the opposite? Will this create a well-adjusted adult by giving a child everything they demand?
I don’t see how this type of “family rejection”, according to some, is the greatest predictor of future mental health problems among LGBTQ people. Trying to prevent your child from harm sounds more like effective parenting to me than “family rejection”. I also don’t see what on earth sexual orientation has to do with this nebulous concept of gender identity.
I don’t feel that a parent should give in to tantrums or trantrums. That is not a way to make rational decisions. Parenting of this sort certainly won’t result in a mentally healthy adult. You don’t buy a dangerous toy because your child needs it right now. You certainly shouldn’t advocate for and enable serious and unnecessary medical interventions for your child because they are having a trantrum over it.
If anyone thinks that questioning your own child’s sudden alternate “gender identity” is you rejecting your child, I think they have another agenda.
Originally published at https://pitt.substack.com/p/trans-or-a-tantrum reproduced by kind permission.
